The first being that it helps the person you’re talking to understand the urgency behind your ask. One thing you’ll also notice is that, for almost everything on this list, I suggest setting a time. Sometimes we need a cheerleader/researcher that helps us explore our options, especially when we’re having trouble believing that we have any. But a team approach can make it a little more manageable.
Can we (meet up/Skype/etc) on (date) and come up with a better plan?”įeeling helpless or exhausted is part and parcel for dealing with a broken mental health system. “I’m struggling with my mental health and what I’ve been trying isn’t working. And if they aren’t helpful? Keep asking until you find someone who is, or seek out a hotline (I know it can be weird to talk to a stranger, but there are some awesome hotlines out there). You might be surprised by the ways they offer to support you. It’s perfectly fine if you have no idea what you need or want - especially when all you can think about is how much you’re hurting. That’s okay that shouldn’t discourage us from reaching out. Sometimes we don’t know exactly what we need, or we’re unsure of what someone can offer. I’m not sure what to ask for, but I don’t want to be alone right now.” So if you’re struggling but you don’t know what to say? I get it. And we can find better ways to support them. But what I do know is that we need to normalize asking for help and talk about what that might look like, rather than pretending it’s a simple and intuitive thing to do. I don’t know if an article like this could’ve saved my friend. What are we asking people to do or say? It’s not exactly clear. It’s this vague, hopeful sentiment that people throw around, without ever really defining it. “Reaching out” is this skill we’re somehow expected to know, yet it’s never taught and rarely modeled for us. It’s easy to make this remark, because “tell someone” seems like a simple request. “Why didn’t they tell me?” is such a common refrain when we talk about suicide or mental health challenges in general. I didn’t know what to ask for, and without knowing what to ask for, it felt too complicated and futile to ask. No one told me what “reaching out” even meant.Īs my grief began to snowball, I hesitated to tell anyone I was struggling, largely because I didn’t know how.
#Finch for inbox pro 2 safe how to
And despite knowing the danger of where I found myself, I said nothing.Īfter an especially scary night, I realized something: No one ever explained to me how to ask for help. I watched, with painful awareness, as I did much of what my friend seemed to do leading up to their suicide. And even then, when it was my turn to “ reach out”? Even after losing my friend? I began to withdraw, too.
I soon began having my own suicidal thoughts. In the weeks following their suicide, my grief took me to dark places. But the very person who I’d talked to so often about mental health… didn’t call me. I thought there was never a question of whether or not my loved ones could reach out to me. So when one of my closest friends died by suicide a few weeks ago, I wasn’t just shocked - I was completely gutted. This is my whole thing, okay? This is what I do. I’ve told people on this blog many times, “Keep reaching out.” I’ve written multiple articles preaching the importance of vulnerability, defying stigma, and owning your struggles. I’m a mental health writer and advocate, and a suicide attempt survivor.
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